We are PREGNANT! Yep, we are having a BABY!
The news came just as shockingly to us one early November morning..
I journaled that week just so I could savor the moment and remember it forever, ever since then I have periodically been journaling to keep track of this FIRST TIME EVER PREGNANCY (for us)! Heres what I jotted down:
When I first found out I was pregnant I was in complete SHOCK. I
don’t think I’ve really ever been in shock in that way. I was shocked when I
got into Pepperdine, shocked when i got
into grad school. Shocked when Taylor proposed, but nothing NOTHING compares to
this. In that very moment, I couldn't even understand what THIS MEANT?
I was terrified. I thought, “my husband is going to hate me”. "Im ruining OUR plans", "we haven't prepared". I don’t know how I blamed myself, when it definitely
takes two to make a baby. I guess I let the enemy take over... fear filled
my thoughts instantly. I leaned my head against the bathroom wall and prayed. I
prayed for protection, I didn’t really have words but I knew the Holy Spirit
knew what I needed, and I remember praying for my husbands reaction for when I walked out the bathroom door to go break the exciting/terrifying news.
I came out and starting BALLING. I was overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions, as well hormonal i'm sure. I called for him in a quivering voice.."baaabe".
He came rushing toward me and held me in his arms the moment he saw I was crying.
“Whats wrong, whats wrong. Babe talk to me,” he said frantically. I couldn’t say anything. I was in
shock. The words eventually came out after what seemed like forever, “I think im pregnant”. "What do you mean? How? How do you know?" He
didn’t understand, so I led him to look at the two tests, clear as day, on the
counter. I burst into even more tears, anticipating his reaction.
He remained completely calm. He took me by my hands and sat me on the floor. As I cried tears of fear and worry, he held my hands in his, looked me in the eyes, and said ever so calmly, ”when I married you, I had every intention of being the
father of your children.. yes, we didn’t plan for this right at this moment but
God did and we need to accept that and be grateful for this blessing. I want
you to be excited. Im going to do everything I can to protect you and take care
of you”. Talk about PERFECT. Husband, yes, you are perfection. I am such a blessed lady.
"You’re just saying this cuz im
crying and emotional?”
"No Tess, I mean
it. I feel completely at peace. This is Gods plan. Lets go to the store and get another test, a
digital one, so we know for sure and we can take it from there".
We ate
breakfast, I calmed down and then we got into the car to go to the store. After we picked up the digital test he pulled up to our
house and told me ”when you go inside I want you to take the test, and whatever
the results are I want you to be happy, don’t look back, just look forward
knowing God has plan and we can be
excited, He's got us hunny.”
"PREGNANT". No doubt about it.
It showed up within seconds on the digital test. At this point I was so thrilled to see that I was. We smiled, hugged, kissed, were tearful (this time, happy excited tears of joy). We went back to the store, got prenatal
vitamins, iron, and body butter.. We walked
over to barnes & noble and picked up “what to expect when you’re
expecting”. We wanted to look forward
and be excited! No more tears, no more not trusting the Lord. My husband was my rock that day. He always is. He keeps me grounded, he reminds me to believe in God and believe His plans are far greater than ours. Together we threw our plans to the wind and gave them to Him. Together we realized kids have always been what we want, it just wasn't the timing we thought our first baby would come by. But its also not the timing of two parents who have been trying for a baby for 5 years and have yet to conceive. So let me just say how grateful we are. We know this is by far the biggest blessing God has ever given us in our marriage and we couldn't be more thrilled. We haven't looked back since that split second that I allowed the enemy to flood my mind with fear.
We spent the rest of the afternoon thinking of fun things like baby names, and talked about what our future would
be like from now on. We knew everything was going to change. I started to get more and
more excited as the day went on. The
days following were surreal..is this really happening.. all the pregnancy
symptoms came on FULL FORCE. Waking up 3-4
times a night to pee.
Exhausted and could barely walk, let alone work out. HUNGRY all the time, even right after i had eaten. I researched every vitamin and had to stop taking most
things. Morning sickness came at around 5 1/2 weeks. I was and am in complete protective mommy mode.
I was
not ready for this. Nor did I think I could be a mom any time soon, but the
moment you find out you are pregnant you truly do become a mom. I think its different
for men, I think they need to feel the baby move or see it before they
understand how real this is. We started reading all about the changes our baby goes through weekly as it grows, as well as what mommy goes through each week.
We pray morning and night with our hands on our new famiy member. Its
nuts, and happened so quickly but we both feel at peace now and feel so so so very thankful for this precious gift of life.
Ive been reading baby blogs... I
have become a mommy-blog-aholic! I read so many blogs now all about pregnancy,
what they went through, and find it soothing to be amongst women who have experienced exactly what I am experiencing. I find it so facinating! So I have decided to blog, as often as I can. This way other pregnant women can relate and read my story, just as I read other's and feel more sane along this crazy journey. AND, I will have a neat diary of my entire pregnancy to look back on one day.
So here it goes..
<3
I hope our story of fear, excitement, love, laughter, and hope can be inspiring to someone else.
