4 Months Postpartum, Body Talk: Healthy Eyes To See

4 Months Postpartum, Body Talk: Healthy Eyes To See

*These photos were taken several years ago by the fabulous photographer Whitney Schey *

(I love her creativity & this was a few years after coming out of that place I was in so I thought these were fitting)

Im writing this midway through my 4th month, closer to 5 months postpartum actually, because I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to write. I knew I wanted to use this time as a platform to speak truth and positivity into you ladies. I knew I wanted to lift you up, lift myself up, and lift women up in general when it comes to the hardships we face about our bodies.  I knew I wanted to post more about my own journey, my story, not just postpartum but in life when it comes to how I have valued, viewed, and nourished my body in both healthy and unhealthy ways. I guess there was just so much I wanted to say that I didn't know where to start. Maybe each month I can choose a different topic instead of overwhelming you with all of my thoughts now on the subject.. we shall see. But one thing I do want to say is I hope you come here to this place, this space & feel lifted up today, not torn down. I pray that you feel empowered and that you are not alone, that we are all in this journey of life together, through the happy times and the more challenging times.  I want my little blog to be a place where you can feel refreshed, connected, and understood and a little lighter when you leave here.

With that said, I've decided to start with sharing more of myself. Going a bit deeper into my own story. All of my childhood I was petite, I was told I was "little, tiny, petite, thin, and always chosen to do gymnastic demonstrations with our instructor (which I hated and it gave me performance anxiety), I could run fast because of being light, I had friends tell me they wished they could be smaller like me, my mom had to sew all of my pants because I couldn't fit into teenager clothes and refused to continue wearing kids clothes in jr high.. Being "small" became something people labeled me with so much at such a young age that it became part of my identity.  I never knew this was happening, it just happened. As a therapist who works with young adults and teen girls, i see it happen with girl after girl after girl. Not just the girls that are "petite", but also to girls that are labeled "chubby, too tall, too boy-ish" you name it.  You tell someone something enough times and it leaves a mark.. they start to allow it to penetrate them.. to become a part of how they see themselves and identify with themselves. "If people are telling me this over and over, well then it must be true, and therefore it must be important for me to accept".  Which results in little kids believing they are fat, ugly, stupid, gay, a giant, etc etc etc. In my case, it made me believe that being thin was part of how people saw me, so if that ever changed then who would i be? would people still like me? would i become unloveable? If they made my appearance such a big deal, then it must be important for me to always be that..

As a child, our brains are not capable of cognitively understanding whats slowly occurring. My weight became something I valued, something I began to identify my worth by. It was more on the surface for me then, but as I got older it slowly went deeper and deeper into the core of who I was.  I remember the first year I started to really become a woman and saw my body change was around Junior year of high school. Up until then I looked like a little boy, no boobs, no hips.. you get the picture.  So this transformation was hard for me to accept. Thats when I started to struggle with loving my body,  finding my worth in my appearance, not in who I really am as a human being.  I would say my first couple years of college were the most difficult, not only had my body completely changed since childhood (in a woman) but I was now supposed to be a responsible adult and discover who I am and who I want to be ...for the rest of my life! Well, so I thought at the time.  Oh little girl, if I could have just had an hour with my old self, the things I would say to help her through those hard times!! I would just hold her, tell her shes loved, not because of her appearance, but because of her soul, her heart, her personality, her God given characteristics and soley because she is HIS CHILD and HIS CREATION.

I later began a journey of healing, a journey of allowing the Lord to show me through His eyes just who He made me to be. God was able to heal my woundeness, the places in my heart that had been damaged from the world and its views it imposed on me as a young child. We all have brokeness, sometimes it takes some exploring, sometimes it takes time to figure out, sometimes we try to deny our hurts and pain and push it deep down (i did this for many years) but when I finally worked on accepting and embracing myself, my body included, I found freedom. I was able to love myself, although imperfect according the worlds standards, I knew I was perfectly loved unconditionally by my Heavently Father, and His opinion of me was all that I needed to focus on.  Its so easy for us to try to be who the world tells us we "should" be, its much more difficult to be who God calls us to be & go against the current.  Loving myself as I am has allowed me to experience joy and peace in ways I could have never  experienced before because i was striving for something that wasn't attainable, to be perfect and the way other's told me I should be.. especially the media.  I feel terrible for the girls growing up in this world today, for those that are in jr high and high school right now, I pray for you, its even harder today than it was when I was there.  I commend you for your efforts to stay true to who you are.  I am honored to sit with these girls and counsel them because at their age, I dont know that I would have been brave enough to really look within or smart enough to know my heart needed some desparate healing.

Lastly, because im reading Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist, as I previously posted here My People, The Gift of Friendship, & A Vow Renewal , I wanted to end with some of her beautiful words that again, touched my spirit in a kind and gentle way:

 "..I'm learning to practive gratitude for a healthy body, even if it's rounder than i'd like it to be. I'm learning to take up all the space i need, literally and figuratively, even though we live in a world that wants women to be tiny and quiet.  To feed one's body, to admit one's hunger, to loook one's appetite straight in the eye without fear or shame-this is controversail work in our culture.

Part of being a Christian means practicing grace in all sorts of big and small and daily ways, and my body gives me the opportunity to demonstrate grace, to make peace with imperfection every time I see myself in the mirror".  

Her words are so refreshing, so true, and bring me peace.

"demonstrate grace, to make peace with imperfection every time I see myself in the mirror".. We can use these honest words not just for our bodies but in all areas of ourselves that we tend to be critical of.

So my update about being 4 months postpartum is short and sweet because it doesnt really matter does it? I have now lost all of the weight that I gained during pregnancy to house my little guy. I feel strong, I feel different, I feel like I have an even greater sense of respect for my body after having Cash. I am grateful for pregnacny and how its changed me for the better.  I don't look exactly the same and probably never will, but I don't mind in the least and that is the honest truth. I just want to be a healthy role model to my sons and daughters and love myself enough to experience the freedom He offers. I don't know that this would have been my view on this had I not gone through the difficult struggle with my body image in my teens.  I can now appreciate and be grateful for my health and all that my body is capable of.. espceially creating a life.

I'd love to hear from you.. i get several emails from you guys about weight, body struggles, etc and always welcome conversation. I love each of you and if you ever need prayer or someone to talk to you know where to find me! I only hope and pray that we can be a community that lifts one another up, prays for each other, and is supportive and transparent.

I hope you enjoyed reading a little part of my story and what has brought me to be the woman of faith I am today.  If you enjoyed reading please let me know by commenting, sharing, liking, or emailing me. I love to know your thoughts, and I appreciate knowing you guys are taking away something positive from my little world over here.. i want to hear about you & want this blog to be about your lives & your thoughts as well (;

xo

My People, The Gift Of Friendship, and A Vow Renewal

My People, The Gift Of Friendship, and A Vow Renewal: 

Meet Kelly, Ashley, and Sarah, i love my people. 

At the start of my last semester of college I really began to crave Christian girl friends. I had my sisters, and I am sooo so very blessed to have them, but I wanted to be SURROUNDED by women of faith, not just my family, but real friendship that goes deeper than love, laughter, fun, and all the goodness that comes with great friends.. i wanted Christ centered relationships in all areas of my life. It was right around this time that I met my husband.  We both wanted to dive in deeper into our faith. He encouraged me to start a womens bible study through a small church that we were attending together at the time.  A seed was planted and so so much good fruit has been beared because of it. 

Through this womens bible study I found myself, I found who God created me to be, I found friendships that will last a lifetime, I found relationships that held me up when I was in despair, people that prayed with me through the most meaningful moments of my life and the most difficult.. i am forever grateful for our womens group. 

Out of this group I met 3 women that I feel God created to be my soul sisters. We are three very different women, but we are three women that balance one another in the most amazing way. I think its so beautiful that when I met these 3 ladies, only one of us was married and only one of us had a baby, now we are all four married and 3 of us have kids.  The beautiful part of it is I get to do life with these women. And God chose them wisely, because doesnt He know exactly what we need?, Yes, yes He does.  He chose women that would not only be an incredible match with me and each other & people who are healthy that lift me up sprititually and only speak truth to me, but He also strategically chose men for these women to marry..men that God knew would become some of my husbands closest deepest friendships. Thank you Lord for our people. 

If you follow me on instagram you saw that I went to a Women's Christan Fellowship dinner and had the pleasure of hearing author Shauna Niequist speak. I started reading her book today and I already love it (Bread & Wine).  Heres an insert that touched my heart this morning:

"It's those five faces around the table that keep me sane, that keep me safe, that protect me from the pressures and arrows and land mines of daily life.  And it isn't because we do all the same things, live all the same ways, believe all the same things. We are single and married, liberal and conservative, runners and adamant nonathletes, mothers and not.  Those of us who are mothers do it differently, form cry-it-out to family bed, from stay-at-home to full-time work"

"We've gone to funerals and birthday parties together, reported bad test results, gotten advice about sick kids, made trips to the ER, walked together through postpartum depression. We've visited eachother's babies in the hospital, and we've brought over meals and sleepers and blankets.  We've talked about faith and fear and fighting with our husbands, sleeping through the nights and anxiety and how to ask for help when we need it.

On the hardest days, when Brannon's daughter Emme had surgery, or when Casey's stepdad passed away, when something breaks apart or scares us, we send around a quick group email, even as our hands are shaking, even while the pain is slicing.  We fill everyone in, ask for prayer, let everyone know how they can help with meals or witht he kids, and at the end of the email, someone always says, Thanks for being my people. Or Glad you're my people. Or, What would i do without my people?"

- Bread & Wine Shauna Niequist

I couldn't have described our story better for these 3 girls and I.  This is the relationship I have with each of them, these are the women I prayed for for years and God blessed me with them and their husbands. 

Here we are celebrating Ashley & Sean's 5 year Vow renewal. You see, they met and fell in love right away. They were engaged sometime after and during their engagement decided "we just cannot wait!". They wanted to be obedient and wait for things that God tells us are sacred and saved for marriage. They were so in love and desperately wanted to be together forever so they ran off to the courthouse and didnt tell a soul.. they saved this for themselves for an entire year.. no one knew they had gotten married. And they were too worried that everyone would be upset for doing it without them that they kept it a secret... this beautiful union wasnt shared with a soul except for with each other.  They were the only two souls that knew, just them and God. I think this is soooo romantic. But she tells it much differently. She has told it with a bit of disappointment in her voice, as though she did something wrong and should have waited or included everyone. But I think she now realizes their love story is perfect. It isnt about everyone else. It was about them. It was about their obedience to our King. It was about romance and starting their family, their love, their union, their committment to each other and God for eternity.  They came out and told everyone a year later, and they were terrified to do so, but every single person in their life was J O Y F U L with the news. Every single loved one was so happy for them and understood.  

Ash and Seany never had the wedding that every girl dreams of.  They never had a chance to share their love story, their testimony in front of witnesses and their loved ones. They didn't get to celebrate with all the peole that have prayed with them, cared for them, and been a part of their union. So, 5 years later an opportunity arrose and they put together a celebration. And it was perfect.  I was in tears to watch these two dedicate their souls to each other again. Who meant their words and commitment even more 5 years later than they did the day they wed. It was so special and so intimate, every guest there could feel their love, every witness was touched by it. They meant every word of their vows, because they've already lived them. 

Isn't she stunning?

Dont mind me.. Im mid sentence.. but i SO love this picture because its REAL. It captures us exactly how we are. These are my prayer warriors, these are my people.  

I was honored to make this bouque for my beautiful best friend. Its so much more special to gift someone with something you've put your heart and soul into. 

Can they be any more wonderful together..?!

And then the celebration.... (some fun shots that I had a good laugh at!)

 My people. xo

Mighty Heart, Do Not Be Trampled With Fear

Mighty Heart, Do Not Be Trampled With Fear

This time of year can be so c-uuu-r-a-zaay and so anxiety provoking with all the stuff we need to get done, all the places we think we should or need to go, the holiday events we are invited and obligated to attend, and the money we are told we need to spend. Not to mention we are supposed to carry on with normal life, working, being a parent, a wife, maintaining our fellowship with others, and most importantly our walk with God, paying our bills, putting food and meals on the table, having enough down time to make sure we are practicing self-care, time for giving and serving, time for simply doing the day to day stuff like taking a shower, cleaning th dishes, and doing the laundry.  My oh my it can get overwhelming pretty quickly.

One of the many reasons I enjoy blogging is for days like this when I need a reality check... A moment of reflection. I start writing when I feel stress coming on, or a heavy load that begins to burden me. And in the process of writing I often figure out exactly what i need to do, or in other words, get rid off or clean out! Sometimes the cleaning out part is my HEAD. Ha! Some of you may know I'm a counselor, and I often advocate journaling to my clients. In othe words, writing out your thoughts... It helps us process in a whole new way..it helps us see whats going on up in our brain in a clear picture on paper.. It's therapy with just you, yourself.. Alone, being still.

 I like to practice what I preach and I also believe in being transparent. I am a bit overwhelmed lately.. I'd say the past two weeks have left a trail of anxiety and stress building in my bones and im here today to clear it out. I want to trust my heavenly father in all areas of my life, even the ones I feel burdened and weighed down by. I need to practice child-like faith and believe he is taking care of me always. He walks before me, so why does my heart still fear? Why does my head still worry? Why does my body feel tense with stress?i must be losing sight of Him. As hard as that is to say out loud, publicly.. I must not trust Him e n o u g h, "oh ye of little faith". Don't we all do this? Don't we all have those areas in our lives that we want to subconsciously hoard to ourselves and not hand them over with trusting hearts to our Lord?  You know, some say that being religious is easy,that its a crutch for the weak. I think being in a relationship with God and trusting Him, having blind Faith is the most difficult decisions to make in life...it's difficult because by nature we are sinful, and we are taught By this fallen world to be self sufficient. So entrusting our lives to a God we cannot see or a God that is not tangible, a God that is ridiculed and put down by many, ..well, that takes courage and bravery.  

Faith is for the brave at heart.. The ones that know they are in desparate need of a Savior and can confess with their hearts that His love saves them. 

* The Winner Of The Personalized Christmas Card Giveaway is Christina Brown from Instagram. I'll be contacting you personally and putting you in contact with TheMeekBoutique to pick your cards! Congratulations! And thank you to all of you that participated! I love doing giveaways for you and I really enjoyed learning all about your favorite Christmas traditions!
xo

Our Family Christmas Card & a GIVEAWAY for Yours!

Our Family Christmas Card & a GIVEAWAY for Yours! 

Front of our Christmas card 

Back side of our Christmas Card

We are so thrilled to share our family Christmas card with you designed by the fabulous TheMEEkBoutique and taken by the lovely KelseySteindler (who happens to be my beautiful sister).

 We are even more excited to share that TheMeekBoutique has collaborated with us to GIVEAWAY a free personalized Christmas card just for you and your family! Her shop has a ton of options for cards to choose from. To enter follow the instructions at the bottom of this post. 

The Meek Boutique is owned by a lovely kind hearted lady named Terri.  She is a wife and also the mother of three fabulous boys and gets to homeschool them! She loves creating art and this is her way of sharing it with you and your families! She does beautiful Christmas cards that you can choose and pick out quick and easy.  But what i think is extra special is she even does custom designs for those of you who want your very own one of a kind card.  She also does annoucements for engagements and babies, party invites, art for your home or nursery, and all sorts of fun stuff! You should really get a look at everything she has to offer.

Check out her shop here: TheMeekBoutique

To enter the Christmas Card GIVEAWAY:

You must be a follower of this blog (you can follow by clicking "Join this site" on the right side of my blog).

You must leave a comment below telling me one thing you enjoy about Christmas.

If you'd like to submit yourself on instagram you can do so for an additional submition and have 1 extra shot at winning this raffle (you can follow me on instagram on the right hand side of this blog). I will draw the names tomorrow evening (Sunday, December 8th) so get your submissions in now! 

Merry Christmas Everyone! Til the season to GIVE!

A couple of her cards I love:

Ill be posting the rest of the photos we took in a different post in a week or so. Stay tuned! xo

One of Those Exhausting "I Don't Know What To Do" Mom Days:

One of Those Exhausting "I Don't Know What To Do" Mom Days:

Being a mother is the greatest joy in the world, but it can also have its difficult days that test your patience. Right now im being tested.. these last four or five days have been those kind of days.  Im not sure whats going on with Cash but he seems to only nap right now for 30-45 minutes (and even a couple times just 15 minutes!)..  He regularly naps for at least an hour and sometimes 1.5 to 2 hours for his first 2 naps and the third is 45minutes or so.  Never ever was he a cat napper.  His new thing is also to get really hyper in his crib the moment i set him down drowsy.  He begins kicking his legs up in the air and smacking them down on the mattress.  After he hears the fun noise it makes, he gets a jolt of energy and is no longer tired...this is all new as of a few days ago. It was cute the first 20 times, now its been days of this and im beginning to feel frustrated and helpless. Getting him to sleep has been so much work.. i refuse to let him sleep on me, use the swing, and any other method that with throw off all the hard work we've put in to him having healthy sleep habits of going to bed in his crib and knowing how to put himself asleep without a sleep aid other than his pacifier.  I admit I do rock him until hes drowsy and then set him down, ..this use to work great for us! I'd rock him for 1-3 minutes and he'd fall asleep perfectly on his own. Now Im having to rock him much longer for him to get drowsy enough that he wont kick up his legs.. but that isnt really working.. he seems to do it even if hes dead asleep when i put him down.  Im not sure if hes going through a growth spurt, teething, or hes just super curious about the world and doesnt want to sleep? Its just really confusing and I don't know what to do about it. His sleep is so important for his development and happiness.. no one wants an overtired fussy baby whos brain has not had the rest it needs.  

So I'm asking for all you mamas out there that have gone through this or are still going through it.. what do I do?

Im thinking about trying to keep him up a half hour longer before he goes down for his naps.. maybe he isnt tired yet? Or if that doesnt work i'll try putting him down sooner, maybe hes OVer tired and having trouble sleeping.  Or maybe its a growth spurt and he'll be back to his normal easy going self next week..

I just needed to clear my head and vent. It seems so silly to be worked up about your baby not napping or napping poorly.  But I know all you mamas out there know how it feels when your child is all thrown off and their behavior changes out of the blue. I just want to do whats best for him & not miss if theres something wrong or something I need to change (like putting him down later or sooner)..whatever this little boy needs I want to provide.  I think its important to notice when things are different, it could tell you your baby is getting sick, teething, or somethings wrong.. they don't have a way of telling us whats going on with words so we have to pay attention to what their behavior tells us.  It can be a bit exhausting trying to be the best mom you know how to be and not have things go smoothly on difficult days, but thank God for our littles, I wouldnt trade a difficult day for a good one without him in it. 

Cash, you sometimes take all of mommies energy and time, but you are worth every moment spent doing what I can to make you happy, healthy, feel loved, and safe. 

Mommy loves you dearly, always.

Okay, so after posting this I went and did a little more research.. i have been reading like crazy to figure this out & I have no idea how i skipped over the 4 month old sleep regression!!! AH HA! I have the answer.. now for the bad news.. 

"You might have heard about the 4 month sleep regression and wonder if your baby will go back to sleeping well. Some parents will be one of the lucky few whose baby will go back to sleeping well in 2-4 weeks, however, not all of us will be that lucky. For example, I find that babies who need a pacifier to sleep where you are replacing it many times per night do not stop needing that pacifier to sleep. You might get lucky and not have to replace it 10 times (maybe “just” 3-4), but maybe not. It is usually better to solve the root of the problem than to hope you are one of the lucky ones. So, maybe wait a few weeks, but if things aren’t better, plan to make changes. I talk to parents of 8 month olds and even 20 months old who are still waiting for their “baby” to grow out of their sleep problems"- babysleepsite.com  

This is a great read, check out the rest here: BabysleepSite

So basically I may have to do some pacifier weaning.. oh joy! I'll get back to you on that one. Im going back to reading a bit more about this sleep regression. Praying I figure this out soon!

What We Wear: SCABIB, The All-In-One Scarf + Bib & A Discount

What We Wear: SCABIB, The All-In-One Scarf + Bib & A Discount!

Hey all, I wanted to tell you about these adorable Scarf bibs by SCABIB, yes thats right, i said bib and scarf!  We took these pics about a month ago & I have been dying to share with you all.  Trish, the owner of Scabib came up with this concept when she had her first baby boy and he was teething and drooling all over his outfits so she was constantly putting bibs on him (and lets be honest, most bibs clash with our little ones' style) so she decided to use her creativity and sewing skills to create this adorable and fashionable bib/scarf. Now our babies can stay dry, chew on it, and look good all at the same time.  

I cant get enough of this adorable checkered bib. It goes with just about everything and dresses up his little outfits.  I love a little baby in big boy clothes so these bibs are perfect! They velcro in the back (SOOOO EASY to put on) and are lined with soft terry cloth in the inside so they wont irritate your babies soft sensitive skin. Did I mention they are super absorbent?!

Get your littles one of these bibs, they are stylish, practical, and handmade with love! Christmas is this month so this is the perfect gift for your little one.

Check out her website here:  Scabib

And her Etsy shop here:Scabib

Trish was sweet enough to give my readers 15% off! 

All you need to do is click "contact shop owner" on the left side of her etsy shop page & let her know you are a reader from my blog.. she will manually give you the discount. Her coupon code has not been working, when Etsy fixes it I will update you all with the coupon code so its easier/quicker for you all.. Again, for now just contact her directly for the discount. Thanks ladies.

These babies range from $12-15 with an additional 15 % off.. thats a STEAL!!

Happy shopping ladies!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy belated Thanksgiving to all you lovelies. I have been slacking on posts lately because my charger has been broken to my lap top so we have been waiting on the new one I ordered online and in the mean time I've been using my iPad (which is much more complicated when it comes to posting pics and typing). But I'm here and making it work for now! 

I am  thankful for so much this year, my husband, my son, our home, food to eat, healthy bodies, happy hearts, family that lives close and are my best friends, friends that I get to walk life with, my salvation, and I'm thankful for freedom from the things that use to keep me in shackles..thank you God for rescuing me. I am also profoundly thankful for my blogger fam! I love interacting with you all via Facebook, instagram, pinterest  and this lovely little online journal I call my blog. Community is what life is all about, fellowshipping and connecting with you guys is so special to me. I jut love sharing our life with such incredible people! For those of you I've had the chance to talk with , thank you for your love and support, for those of you I've yet to meet and chat with, let's get to it!

Yesterday was so much fun! It was Cash's first real holiday (if you don't count Halloween) and celebrating his first Turkey day was so much fun for these first time parents and and grand-parents. I can't wait to show you the generational photos we took with my entire family and all the grandkids. Cash is the youngest but he sure loves his cousins! His cousin Payten is 3 and she held him for the first time yesterday..its safe to say he was smitten. He locked eyes with her and never looked away. Cuteness to the max!

This little one is troubleee.. This was about the best shot we could get. She doesn't stop moving. She's the ultimate energizer bunny and I love her for it! 

We spent Brunch with my side of the family, which happens to be a circus! And we spent the late afternoon and evening with my husbands side of the fam..most of his parent's relatives live in beautiful Colorado so they get together with their California fam (a group of friends they've made a home with these past 20+ years). It's so fun to see everyone and mingle and catch up.  It's also more meaningful when you get to make a dish and see if everyone likes it! I made my kale broccoli slaw (I always try to bring a healthy element to the table on holiday feast days! There tends to be a lot of golden options but not a ton of greens!). You can check out the homemade recipe I posted here: Healthy Kale Broccoli Slaw Salad

We didn't get around to games this year..which happens to be one of my favorite things about holiday get-togethers! So I'll be praying for double the game time during Christmas and New Years festivities!!

What's your favorite thing to do when you spend the holidays at a family/friend/or work get-together? also, what's something you are Thankful for?

Uncle Garrett and little Parker

Cannan giving Cashy some love.

I love this family of mine.

Auntie Kelsey holding Cash.. i think shes pretty close to wanting another one.. dont ya think?

Aunty Courtney and Cash

Great grandma (Nana) holding Cash for the very first time. Melts my heart. 

 He just adores her & she cannot get enough of him... i cant wait to see him with our little princess in the future,.. whenever that is.

 Isnt my mother-in-law just the cutest? I love these two first time grand parents. They love my son so much & it makes me so happy

Im her little girl, and hes my little boy. My mama.