TESSA RAYANNE

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Life With Two Babies

I'm glad I waited a few months to share on the topic of having two babies two years apart (22.5 months to be exact). My thoughts and feelings change weekly so now I have a little more gathered together to put down on paper.

In the months leading up to having Layla I was anxious to share my heart with another child other than my first. The idea of giving all of myself to each of them seemed impossible. I have talked in the past about my mama guilt and how I struggle with that fuuuuur reals. I am always asking myself if I'm meeting my kids needs, so I knew taking on two would be hard. I assumed it was going to be extremely challenging initially getting the hanging of everything.

The moment I met Layla I fell in love. My heart grew a billion times bigger and made room for this sweet angel of ours. Seeing my son with her makes me love them both even more. The first week was a lot of my hubs taking my son to play outside of the house while I hung back at home with our new babe. I felt guilty and disconnected from my toddler and missed him dearly but I knew I needed to rest and that he would soon be mamas boy again. The following week dad went back to work and it was game on! I was ready to take on the challenge of doing two but my sister who had a month head start with her newborn and toddler insisted she would help out and show me the ropes. Guys, this was huuuge. She was so helpful, when I needed to nurse and we were at a park she would take over and watch the toddlers and push them on the swing, etc. She helped me gracefully figure out how to do two outside and in stores by myself. Having a friend/sister there with me gave me a safety net just incase I needed someone to help out for a sec. I highly recommend gathering together with another mama you're close with and asking for help that first month. We learned to venture off on our own but we still plan a lot of play dates with my sisters who both have newborns and are germ conscious and need to find shaded areas for their kids to play so the new babies have protection from the hot summer sun. Play dates with other mamas are always welcome but these first few months you have to be that annoying guarded mom who asks "has anyone been sick within the last two weeks?". Usually i have found my mama friends to be very understanding and always wanting to protect the baby too.

The first couple months made me feel like super mom. My son was adjusting well, loving on his sissy every chance he had. And I felt like I was managing two pretty well without too much additional stress. Things were going smoothly and the transition was easy and natural. Life wasn't back to normal completely aka grocery shopping solo or leaving whenever I want to, and sleeping all night without waking up. Lol. But things were going better than I had expected adjusting to two would be.

This third month took a little turn because we went on vacation, I'm heading back to work twice a week now, we began a healthy sleep routine/starting some sleep training, and little lady is currently going through a 'wonder week'. When all that goes on all at once it can cause some unwanted stress and change a moms tune about having more than two kiddos ha! So moral of the story, parenting kids is going to change from week to week, especially the first year of an infants life because they are going through so many changes nothing ever stays the same. Their schedule changes so often I can barely keep up, they're learning new milestones, staying awake longer periods and needing to sleep at different times. Just when you think you've figured it out and have a routine down you have to adapt to their needs and change it all up again. The best pointer I can offer is just to roll with the punches as hard as that is. Try not to think too far into the future and worry yourself overall the unknowns. Try your best each day to do what you feel is right in the moment and not to beat yourself up later if you get it all wrong. Make sure to have a lot of 'check ins' with your partner on how you're both coping and handling all the change and crazy foggy days of lack of sleep, handling multiples, etc. And most importantly get on the same page with your spouse. I can't tell you how important having spousal support and having them back you is! I would've have been able to sleep train or have a bed time routine without my husband backing it 100%. He helps out, he keeps us on track too, and he supported me when I felt like giving up or had a hard day of Cash napping all whacky. Now our 2 year old still takes a 2-3 hour nap and falls asleep all on his own, anyone can put him down for bed because he does the work himself, he hasn't woke up at night since he was 9 months old, and he sleeps 11.5 hours at night with the same bed time every evening. We are working on Layla's sleep routine, she's currently going to bed between 6/645pm depending on her last nap. And wakes up throughout the night usually 1-3 times to eat, then goes back down. Sometimes we are lucky and she only wakes once. Other times she's going through a growth spurt and wakes a bunch. But that's what I mean by rolling with the punches. She sleeps in until anywhere from 730-10am. The first couple months it was always 9-10am that she would wake for the day, but since around 13 weeks she's had a few days of waking earlier around 730-830 so I think she's finally getting into a normal groove. You can't be too scheduled with newborns, they change literally almost weekly. She has great sleep cues to let you know she's tired but she's also very consistent with her optimal wake time being 40-50 mins. So I put her down usually around 40/45 mins of wake time so she's asleep within 15 mins of then. I've tried to gently implement healthy sleep habits like we did with Cash early on. So around 8 or so weeks we started doing the majority of naps upstairs in a white dark room with the sound machine going. Not long after we began this routine for naps and bed we also started rocking just until her eyes barely closed and then putting her down so she could fall asleep on her own (i had to do this early on because my toddler would get upset every time i left to put her down so i needed the time i spent upstairs without him to be a shorter period due to his new adopted struggle of me walking away with the baby). Some days I would have to help her out and pat her back and other days within a few mins she would drift off all on her own after laying there for a bit. She is a tummy sleeper.. Feel free to judge me. I probably would've sat here and told you all the safety issues with this but we only let her snooze on her tummy for naps (since we can watch her closely)and then flip her on her back for bedtime. About a week ago she wasn't into the bed time on her back anymore so we started letting her sleep on her tummy the last few nights and she wakes far less and easily goes back to sleep now. Some babies just prefer their tummy and really struggle on their backs. Cash wasn't a tummy sleeper until he was way older and could slip himself on to his tummy. Every baby is different and you have to adjust your parenting to what they each individually need. I pray over her every day and feel that shes strong enough now since shes been flipping over onto her back since 4 weeks old.

A couple tips for moms going from one to two babies:

Invest in a double stroller.

Invest in a wrap so you can wear them for a couple naps out because your toddler will NEED to have social interaction and play time outside the house. And newborns sleep a ridiculous amount of naps the first few months so the wrap is my best purchase yet! I wear it daily for 1-2 naps. She takes 4-5 naps a day that are around 1 hour sometimes her afternoon naps are 2 hours.

Introduce the bottle early on around week 4, keep trying if they don't take it. It's important to have just for an emergency or if you're interested in ever having a date night without worrying in the back of your mind if your baby wakes up that they won't have a way to eat. Also if you're a working mom this is obviously necessary

Invest in a good cover and get comfortable nursing in public quickly. With your second baby running to the car to nurse or trying to plan out when they need to eat before you go somewhere isn't always doable.

If you're going to nap your new baby in the wrap be sure to try and time how long you'll be at the destination for.. Because around 3 months a lot of babies don't do well with transferring from the wrap asleep into their car seat .. And you know the rule, "never wake a sleeping baby". So make sure you are at your destination long enough for an hour nap (or however long your baby usually needs)

If you have a hard day or hard week know that the next week will probably be different and keep your hopes up.

Don't make decisions on whether you want another child in the future when you're still in the sleep deprivation mode and when your baby is still extremely dependent on you. Just don't do it. lol

Make sure to eat and drink enough water if you're nursing. Trust me sometimes I forget if I even ate breakfast. Toddler life I tell ya. And I'm clearly in a sleep hAze.

Take help if people offer it.

Know that this phase is temporary. Soak in the good days of newborn yumminess and know that the hard days of feeling tired and low energy and irritable will pass. I tell my husband this frequently.. because right now having two little ones demands alot of a mother, hes so supportive and that comforts me.

If you guys have specific questions I would love to hear them and answer below in the comment section.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Layla Sienna's Nursery Tour

Hi beauties, this post has been a long time coming! I started her nursery early on into my pregnancy when i found out we were having a girl. I didn't think we would have a little lady next so when i found out we were all i could see was blush pink and flowers galore.. i wanted feminine everything..her name, her room, her clothes, etc. I have waited my entire life for a family, i found my soul mate, we had our sweet little boy, and now we have our darling little girl. I couldnt ask for more to have one of each and get to experience both sides. I love having a little boyfriend, the kisses and love he gives are endless and he will forever be my guy. But when we're talking whats more fun as far as styling nurserys and baby clothes go.. id say girl all the way even though its been just 2.5 months of having her here. There are so many more options for girls and so much fun you can do. Im more minimalistic when dressing my son and with her im all about the accessories, fun colors, florals, oh what the heck, a little sparkle even. (:

So when designing her room i wanted to do something feminine and whimsical. I really wanted it to be full of flowers, blushy soft pinks, and specks of gold with a shabby chic touch. Some of it is DIY projects, some of it was a collection of several talented shops who were so sweet to collaborate on this piece with me & help me achieve my vision. I love having something different and special for my kids. I like to do my own thing and thats why picking pieces from all over was so fun! I believe in being original and creative when decorating & finding inspiration from all over the place. Im not about taking other peoples ideas or replicating what someone else has already done, whats the fun in that?. Do what YOU love, design something that you see for your child, something that you think will describe them well and that you both will feel at peace, at ease, and refreshed when you walk into their room. Layla girl, i hope you love your first room, that you wake up to beautiful flowers every morning right above you, that you and i create beautiful memories playing dress up in here, I hope we share many moments on that chair nursing just like I did with your sweet brother, and we get to read books and crawl around your floor. There are so many great moments to come in this special little place of yours.

^^DIY floral wall hang. I was inspired by a flower wall in LA and knew that fresh flowers werent reasonable so i created this little wall hang with a variety of fake ones. ^^^

^^^Gold metal bin holding her swaddles is a DIY gold paint job i did from a yellow bin i found at Homegoods. Her mint floral dresser knobs are Anthropology. The mint diaper bin is also a Homegoods find that happened to be the perfect color. The mint floral ceramic dish (i usually put her lotions/diaper ointment on this) is from World Market.^^^

^^^Pink print design bin (holding stroller blankets) is from Target. The beautiful white dresser is vintage and is the most special piece in Laylas nursery. It was my mothers when she was a baby and she used it growing up. My grandma gave it to Layla as an heirloom. I LOVE it and kept the old paint job. This will be a piece that we will continue to pass along in our family. The gold frame with the floating floral "L" was made for us by my best friend and was a baby shower gift.

^^^ Picture frames were from all over the place, from old ones i painted, to new ones i found over a series of months and months at Homegoods and World Market. I painted some of the newer ones as well. I love each frame, they all have special little details. Our gold decal lacey border around Laylas room is c/o Envisioned Designs and it completes the room and pulls the whole look together, i loooooove it!

^^^i adore this bird cage used to hang all of her headbands and bows. I snagged it up from Homegoods and found the tiny clothes pins at target. They also have gold sparkly clothes pins but i didnt think sparkles all over the place would be very fun, even though they were sooooo cute i almost took the bate.

^^^I had my eye on this floral changing pad cover c/o Lullabies and Lollipops for quite a while. I knew i wanted a floral vintage looking cover to dress up her room. It matches perfectly and adds a bit of color! Theyre offering 10% off one item with code: TESSA10

^^^ Each photo on her gallery wall is special to me and hand selected after months and months of searching for the perfect photos to fill these frames for my little girly. I wanted beautiful words of encouragement, scripture, and beautiful floral pieces that suit her room. From the top heres where you can find them: Top left mint floral- Ruffle Paper Co , To the Right of that 'Be Still' ((shrunk down)) and directly below that leafy "im so glad you were born" photo c/o Earth And Fleur, Below that is "isnt she lovely" photo c/o Birdrow Prints (www.pinterest.com/birdrowprints/

www.birdrow.com. ) The pink pineapple print is c/o Billy & Scarlet (also see duckling print below).

^^^Baby bedding from Restoration Hardware ^^^

"Ciao Bella" duckling print c/o Billy & Scarlet instagram: @billyandscarlet // Facebook: Facebook.com/billyandscarlet .

^^^Pink Shabby Chic mirror c/o Revived Vintage, im soooo smitten with this mirror! She can do all sorts of colors for you too! Use code 10off for 10% discount

^^^Gorgeous floral crown floating mobile created together with Kayla from Love Sparkle Pretty, one of my favorite pieces of her room too! She will be selling these in her shop now for those of you interested. ^^^

^^^ "Saved By Grave" print c/o Love Shalmai Also offering 15% OFF USE CODE Tessadeal. Follow on IG: @shalmaikeim. The wood Layla was made by The Duo Studio and i painted it white and the sides gold for a little dimension ^^^

^^^Gold Pouf c/o Oma Nour. Both floral prints on the sides of the window framed are c/o Ruffle Paper Co as well.

^^^

Pink, white and gold polka dot pillow c/o Wilder and Bean ((instagram.com/wilderandbeanfacebook.com/wilderandbean)).

^^^Beautiful custom loom created by The Bloom Prints Fine Art Studio who will be doing a giveaway of one custom loom starting this Monday on instragram so hop on over to be a part of that (@AMYKAVS) !! Winner announced on IG on Friday next week!^^^

^^^Soft pink/cream Rug found on Overstock.com^^^

I hope you liked touring her room, i didnt share her closet space just yet because i still am shopping around for some curtains to frame it. If you have any ideas send them my way!

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

What We Love: Buttermilk Babies

Hey beauties, i started working on this post 10 days ago.. and look where we are now! I have my hands full these days with a newborn that needs me non stop and a teething two year old busy boy. I cant imagine how crazy life is going to get next month when i go back to work twice a week! Im putting together Layla's nursery tour post and a life with my new little one post to share for all of you who have been asking how im handling/managing things, and most frequently asked how we get out with two these days. Thank you for being loyal followers and coming here to check in, i know i have been a little more absent these past few weeks with our new baby but we are getting into a rhythm with things and i will be posting more frequently here again shortly!

Today i have Buttermilk Babies Swaddle blankies to share with you! I mean, this yellow one is perfect for boy or girl, and im loving how bright and playful it is! They have some pretty creative hilarious swaddle options, which i totally dig that theyre not all baby-ish and have more adult humor to them. Im a swaddle blanket addict, as ive mentioned before, i love having options that match her outfit or what im wearing since i often am basically wearing the swaddle when i shield her little face from the sun with one when i wear in my wrap. I also go through so many a day, one that covers her carseat from the sun or her in my wrap (as i just mentioned) this is less sanitary so i dont like to put the same one on her, one for putting on her if shes cold, and then one at night to swaddle her in thats clean and hasnt touched a bunch of stuff when we're out for the day. SO i need at least 3 a day, and we all know we are not doing laundry daily when i have so much going on, its more like every other day around here right now. I have to say, these are the biggest swaddles we have ever had, theyre bigger then Aiden + Anias bamboo ones and just as soft! I have gone through my fair share of hard ones that feel like theyve been starched lol. These are baby soft and huge so you can swaddle them up without trouble. Take a peek over at their shop as well as down below to see some of the fun prints we chose.

^^^Animals with unicorn horns??? !!! yes please!^^^^

^^^because diamonds are a girls bestfriend! They have these in so many different colors too!^^^

^^^Hard to see in this pic i pulled from my IG, but this has a subtle light pink hoboglyphics print..hilarious! ^^^

^^^little skunk booties.. i mean, thats just too cute! ^^^

^^^I am loving this graffiti print, and that red color is so pretty^^^

Shop Buttermilk Babies HERE

Enjoy!

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

What We Love: Bloomz Bows & Headbands

Hey loves, life with our 6 week old and our now 2 year old (Cash's birthday was yesterday and was so fun & special...more on that later) has been such a blast! I have a full update on life with two coming soon, per your requests! TOday i wanted to share all about these cute dainty bows you guys have been asking about on instagram and facebook (link to my accounts are on the right hand side). Bloomz has the cutest dainty headbands for you baby girls evvver! I basically put these on her almost every day the first month, now they are getting a little more snug and we may need to move up a size, but man are these cute and perfect for newbies! Check out all of our styled looks below over the past 6 weeks of little Laylas life.. my favorite so far has been the gold pinwheel headband. And be sure to check out Bloomz shop!

If youd like to see me post on anything in particular, write it in the comments below, i would love to hear from you! And if i havent responded to your email please resend, i havent been able to get to them all the past two months and theyre sort of hiding in there with a bunch of spam (;

One for every occasian (:

Shop Bloomz here.

Instagram @bloomzbows

Happy shopping mamas!!!

Monday, July 13, 2015

Layla Sienna Armstrong: Birth Story

June 4 2015, 7.4 oz, 18.5 inches long

Wednesday morning June 3rd (at 38 weeks, 6 days pregnant), the day before Layla was born I had a membrane sweep around 9am. The dr had said I was now 2 cm and ripe as well as 60% effaced and baby was at -1 station. I knew a sweep worked with my son so I had high hopes that this would throw me into labor if my body and our sweet girl were both ready. I had been having 'bloody show', cramping on and off and tons of braxton hicks for several days as you can see in my pregnancy updates. After my sweep I left the dr's office and had a lot of cramping right away. Throughout the day my cramps with braxton hicks continued on and off. It basically felt like the days previous, just like regular menstrual cramps, there was no pattern to them or anything of that sort. I went about my day as i usually would but paid close attention to how my body was feeling. My son and i went to the park to play for a couple hours and i felt like they were still consistent around 3-4pm. We headed home to start dinner around 530 and i noticed they were still here 8.5 hours after my sweep.

I was texting my sisters about it around 650 and i noticed for the first time all day that i was getting them every 8 minutes now. So instead of feeling them constant or every so often, they were now coming and going forming a pattern of every 8 minutes. I also noticed for the first time that they had a peak of intensity, and that the cramps were a little painful (like a period) plus tightening like a braxton hick and pain in my back. They would start off slow and then the peak would be a little bit crampier/with pain and then they would die down and this happened every 8 mins. At this point i started tracking them to see if they were going to pick up and how often they were coming. They were lasting a minute long.

At 8pm they were coming steadily 5 minutes apart. Not hurting to the point where i couldn't talk or move though, they were more like strong period cramps still with an ache in my back, especially when a contraction came. I decided to call my husband at work and tell him its time to come home "just incase this is it" (because my dr told me that morning that i would probably progress really quickly). She had said to call when contractions were 10 mins apart. i knew from my sons birth that i was not about to go to the hospital UNTIL i couldnt talk through them, i was not up for being sent home like i was with him and then coming back an hour or two later after feeling like i was dying laboring at home. So i waited. My friends and family were telling me to GO and get checked. It was now around 10-11pm and i was still laboring at home with contractions that were definitely stronger but still i could talk through them..so i kept waiting, walking around and cleaning, packing, etc. At 12am they were 2 minutes apart steadily and lasting over a minute. My sisters were begging me to go to the hospital saying i could be progressing really quick at this point and that if i didnt want to give birth at home i should GO NOW (because 2nd babies come quicker). I just didnt feel like they were painful enough that i couldnt talk through them, i was breathing through them because they hurt (mostly in my back and radiating down my thighs and hips), but i could still talk if someone asked me a question. Ugh, back labor again. Or maybe this is just how my body handles contractions/labor? I was so bummed to feel this terrible pain in my back once again, i had hoped this labor would be different then the start of how my sons was 2 years ago. I was determined to not get sent home this time. At this point i was certain i was in labor it was just a waiting game for the painful intensity i knew i needed to have to be admitted and for these contractions to really be dilating me. I knew i was at "about 2cm" this morning according to my doctor, and i needed to be 4cm for them to admit me right away without question... which was my goal. I didnt want to walk the halls or be sent home or uncomfortable driving back and forth in a car, so i waited and waited.

At 2am i was hurting more and more, my back was killing so i was leaning over and swaying trying to let me body open up and dilate. I was breathing through just fine but because they had been coming on since 6ish, and now just 2 mins apart for 2 hours, i decided to call the dr on call and ask her what she thought i should do. I was able to talk to her but paused and would need to breathe through a contraction when it came. She advised me because it was my second baby and they were steadily 2 mins apart and i had been laboring for several hours that i should head to the hospital to be "checked". So we took our sweet time loading up the car, grabbing a snack, and calling over my in laws to stay the night with Cash at our home.

When we got in the car my husband asked me "do you want me to take the long way or the short way" and i told him "the long way" to give my body even more time to dilate. Oh boy, the minute we started driving the pain was WAY worse, i think because of sitting down and having the babys head pressing down on my back. Standing was way more bearable but i didnt have a choice for the next 15 or so minutes in the car, so i tried as hard as i could to focus on breathing and just close my eyes.

When we arrived at the hospital with my sons labor, my contractions slowed way down from the anxiety and excitement, right when i left the hospital (after being sent home) they increased and were 10x more painful. With that experience in mind I kept myself even keeled, calm, and just focused on breathing. I didnt want to allow myself any feelings of anxiety or excitement, i wanted those contractions to keep on coming and keep dilating me. Just like with Cash, i came all ready with makeup on etc because i had it on from before labor even started.. i knew they would think "she aint in labor" so i made sure to not do any touching up, no lipstick or anything of that sort, and wore sweats and put my hair back. TRUST me.. it makes a difference when those nurses see you all dolled up, they are less likely to be on your side and admit you if youre between 3-4 cm and they have any choice in the matter. Im not sure why that is, but they are just less likely to have sympathy or believe youre really in active labor (PAIN!). I digress.. back to the story. So they hooked me up to the monitor and sure enough my contractions were strong and still coming 2-5 min apart lasting over a minute. The nurse checked me and said i was "about 3 cm". Now, let me tell ya, with my son i came in with back labor in a lot of pain and was only 2cm. An hour and a half later i was a stretchy 3, but that hour and half felt like murder. Back labor is no joke, it takes a lot longer to dilate you because of the babies position, but its excruciating pain and super exhausting. Hence why i waited at home so long. I have a ton of friends who make it to 3 cm before labor even starts, or their early labor just feels like menstrual cramps. LUCKY ladies, because when their labor starts their body goes to 4 and thats when the real pain begins. For me that wasnt the case with either baby. I wasnt blessed with skipping out on back labor the first or second time and early labor heading into active labor hurts like hell.

Being a stretchy 3 is when i was admitted with my first delivery, they knew i was dilating hourly so they admitted me. With this baby because the first time they checked me i was only 3cm the nurse decided i was in "early labor and it could be weeks or days" before active labor dilated me further. I knew i was in real labor, not the labor that is just menstrual cramps and braxton hicks. I was having to breathe through.. was this nurse high? i mean really? I should probably add, THIS nurse, was the same nurse who sent me home with my son! YEP. ANd i told her that. We had a good laugh, but inside i was like "hmm i really dont like you lady". I will never forget her, and now i will really really nevvver forget her. HA!

They wanted to monitor me because my contractions were so close together and i was 2cm earlier that day and now about a 3, so they told me i could stay there for an hour and they would watch. The nurse comes back after about 20 minutes and says I have to drink some ice gold apple juice to try to wake the baby up. She said they hadnt seen any jumps in the babies heart rate and they like to see them every 20 mins or so to make sure baby is handling my contractions well. So I drank the juice & my anxiety spiked. I was nervous. She had mentioned they would admit me if the baby wasnt showing any spikes in her heart rate. .. 20 mins later..NADA. She was "Sleeping" the nurse said but this wasnt waking her up. So they put this little buzzer on my tummy that vibrated for a couple seconds.. NADA. After 40-50 mins of this the nurse said i would probably be admitted and we needed to get baby out quickly. So off she went to show the dr the babies heart rate pattern from that past 50 minutes of monitoring.

When the nurse left i felt the baby moving and waking up. I was SOOOO relieved!! AMEN! She was okay and i wouldnt need any intervention or speeding anything up. The words C section were flooding my mind, but now i knew we were safe. The nurse came back with a big smile and said "okay she was just holding out on me! GOOD shes awake". So lets go back to that "anxiety". Remember how i mentioned that anxiety and stress can slow your contractions,.. so can laying down. I realized my contractions were spacing out 5-7 mins now instead of 2-5. I was so stressed about Layla not moving and her heart rate not having any spikes after drinking juice and the buzzer that i was slowing them down. This made me really nervous for when the nurse was about to check me. I sort of knew that this past 40-50 mins probably wasnt dilating me much.

And what do you know, the nurse checks me and says im still at a 3. I told her i was about a 3, and now im a 3, does that make any difference? I also said "but i have been stressed and theyre spacing out because of that" and she said ok go walk the halls for an hour and lets see what happens. So off we went! The contractions started coming every 5 minutes again like clockwork. So within that hour of walking i had a good 10 contractions, i also started feeling nauseous like i was going to throw up and had diarrhea (sorry TMI) but when a big contraction came i had to run to the bathroom twice. Thankfully this cleared me out before delivery lol. My contractions were getting really strong and walking through them was so hard, i would have to stop and breathe and sway my hips. I started getting so nervous that i wouldnt be to 4cm within just an hour and that my body was stuck at 3 because of the babies position and back labor taking longer. I knew once i hit 4-5 cm thats when my labor would pick up and was so scared it would be too late if they sent me home and that i would deliver in the toilet! HA. That was my worst fear. Just thinking about sitting in the car again with even stronger contractions and now nausea and having to go to the bathroom sounded so terrible. And not just sitting in the car ONE more time, but having to drive all the way back to the hospital a couple hours from now in EVEN More pain then now seemed like my worst nightmare. My husband kept telling me "you're going to progress, just focus on right now and lets keep walking and breathing through". He was truly my rock and helped me stay calm.

The hour was up, my prayers were constant. Begging God to please make this labor different, please dont let them send me home again like with my son. And out came the words "youre still 3 centimeters". Tears flooded my eyes. I told her i would be back, that this is exactly what she did with my son, i knew it wasnt her fault but i felt so frustrated. I wanted to vomit, i had the runs and so much bloody show, my body was clearly in labor and i couldnt believe they could send me home like that. My pain was so bad, all i could do was cry because i felt hopeless. I was terrified that i would have to go home and labor there for an hour or two with increasing pain when i could hardly handle what i was currently enduring. All i could think about was the pain increasing and having no option at home for any relief. And what if my baby came.. so many what ifs!

The nurse offered me an ambien. Yep. I couldnt even believe she offered to give me a sleep aid. Especially one that makes you hallucinate if you dont sleep when taking it. Are you serious? I knew this baby was coming, so what if i had taken that being a new mom or something and not knowing i was going to have to push a baby out soon? I cant even imagine laboring and feeling groggy and out of it. So of course i declined.

We called my in laws and told them we were being sent home. My husband made it clear that we would be heading back to the hospital in an hour and just needed to labor at home to let my body progress. I didnt want my son seeing me in that much pain (it was 5am now and i knew he would be up around 630am) so we went to their house to labor there and they stayed at ours. Into the bath i went. I had labored in the bath with my son, it was all that made my back feel better, so i knew that was the first thing i wanted to do. The tub at their house was so small so my back wasnt really even in the water because i had to get on all fours to help the baby move off my spine and relieve my back pain a bit, so my husband had to sit next to me and pour water over my lower back each contraction, which were consistently 2 mins apart, lasting over a minute..giving me barely any break. I was in so much pain, all i could do was close my eyes and moan. Breathing through them but feeling so nauseous and sick. At one point i had to jump out of the tub during a contraction, kick my husband out of the bathroom and get back on the toilet,.. my poor body was going through hell. My hubs kept getting phone calls from my mom and texts from my doula best friend telling him to call the dr and get her to admit me. So he called her, after being home for about 30-45 mins, she asked him a bunch of questions but i knew i needed to be the one to talk to her. So I got myself out of the tub, got on the phone and told her how i was feeling and that i was having really awful back labor, diarrhea, and felt like i could throw up any minute. She asked if my pain was worse and i said YES. She told us to come back and get checked and that i would probably be admitted. I wasnt into that answer, i needed certainty if i was going to get back in that car and drive all the way there putting myself through even more pain having to sit there with the babys head right on my spine. So I said "im not coming back unless you promise me you will admit me".. She said "hunny im 100% certain you will be admitted". I have never heard more comforting words. HALLELUJAH! I threw my clothes on, my husband grabbed ours stuff, and we were about to head out when i suddenly felt this violent urge to throw up. I ran to the bathroom with my hand over my mouth and barely made it to the toilet. After vomitting the little to nothing i had in my stomach, i was dry heaving over and over. Misery is the the only word to describe it. We grabbed a bucket for the car and off we went back to the hospital an hour after just being there.

Going back this time was just like heading back to the hospital after i was sent home with Cash. I was now soaking wet, hair in a bun, no makeup on, crying in pain. A hot mess is one way to describe it. This is the women the nurses like to see. Haha, so just take note of that if youre going to deliver a baby soon. LOl. When i arrived they were switching shifts with new nurses, just like how they were when we came back with my sons birth. Im serious, i felt like i was in a twilight zone. This birth story is just way too similar to my sons. It was so bizarre! When i looked up to see who was going to "check me" it was that same mean nurse again. But this time, my mom met us there, and she wasnt going to take any bull from this nurse. Shes delivered 5 kids and seen a lot of births, she knew i was in labor and ready to be admitted, having her there gave me comfort, her and my husband were going to fight for me. And i knew the dr on call had promised me i could stay. The nurse handed me the gown and a bag for my clothes in the triage room, but this time i said screw the privacy of the bathroom im in so much pain, and i stripped down right there.. i think she knew i meant business. When your in agony you really dont care who sees what. The nurse checked me and i laid there praying, Lord please have mercy on me. And just like that, i was 5 centimeters and admitted. Tears again. But this time, happy tears of sweet joy and relief. We were ready to have a baby, i was ready SO ready for that epidural.

At this point my body was shaking. I couldnt control it, i couldnt even open my eyes the pain was so intense. I knew I needed to have an IV put in so i could go through a whole bag of fluids before they would administer an epidural, so i asked for that as soon as possible. All i could think about was the epidural. Thats all i knew i needed to make it to. So i closed my eyes and took deep breathes and focused through this last hour of contractions. I should probably mention my new nurse came in and it was the same nurse that admitted me with Cash and delivered him! So the same nurse sent me home again and the same new nurse would deliver my daughter that delivered my son. People were hooking things up, asking me questions & i couldnt even respond. The new doctor on call came in right away and checked me and i was now already 7cm. So basically i had left the hospital at 5am at 3cm and came back an hour later at 5cm, and about a half hour later before my epidural was 7cm..so in two hours i went from 3-7cm. I almost didnt make it to getting my epidural. Finally the anesthesiologist was here, while he was setting everything up it felt like an eternity, but he kept reminding me you only have a few more contractions left, then the pain will be gone. So i focused on those words. Shaking, my feet dangling off the side of the bed, bending over waiting for him to poke me with that giant shot.. the one shot that actually feels something like heaven, (kidding, kind of). & then, Instant relief. He administered a lighter dose of the spinal tap and a 10 for my epidural. I told him im sensitive to the initial part of the epidural so he explained he can give a lighter spinal tap which is what first gives you relief until the epidural kicks in (not sure if thats accurate but that was my understanding of it when in a tremendous amount of pain ha). My doctor came back in to break my water, and within a half hour she came back and checked me and i was now 10cm and baby was -1, which means she was a little bit high but the doctor was confident i could push her down myself and didnt need to wait to labor down. We were ready to start pushing!! WHAT??! I just got here?.. yep. Thank God my husband had called the dr at home when he did!

They wanted to drain my bladder first so they inserted a catheter and figured that might move the baby down a little bit too. I FELT IT. oh boy, i knew if i could feel the catheter that i would be definitely feeling this baby come out. I tried not to dwell on it and focused on how i was about to meet our baby girl. They set up the room and we were now ready to push. The room was a lot more quiet then with my son, it was calm and my husband mom and sister were the only ones there this time. No one was counting while i was pushing, no one was holding my legs this time but me. It was just different, not good or bad but a different experience then with my son. The doctor was so encouraging telling me "you have such good control", "push just 90% percent", "good job" etc. Having someone talk to you and give direction is so nice. I could feel her as i was pushing, right when she was crowing and my body was stretching was the most painful part. I didnt want to stop pushing to wait for another contraction, i wanted her out because pausing there with her hed stretching me was killing. So i asked if i could keep pushing and the dr let me. Out she came in just a couple pushes total. I think i pushed for maybe 4 minutes including waiting for contractions. It was soooo fast! Painful, but not like i would have imagined. I wasnt screaming, it was just a burning pain with a lot of pressure and the feeling as though you are tearing. But i could handle it. To me the contractions and back pain were far worse then feeling the pain of having the baby actually come out of me. She came out with her hand next to her cheek, which is so cute because thats how she likes to sleep, with one hand swaddled out right next to her face. She looked so much like her brother, the minute i saw her i felt like i was reliving meeting my son. It was so surreal. I couldnt believe how similar this birth was, and now she looked just like him! They let me hold her on me for a little while and then took her to weigh her and clean her/check her out. She was the EXACT weight and height as my son at birth, 7.4 oz and 18.5 inches. Talk about crazy!

She is sweet perfection, we are in heaven with our little girl. She latched on right away for our miracle skin to skin hour and has been a great eater since! We opted not to do chord blood banking this time since we already did it with my son. And I only had 2 small natural first degree tears this time around which have healed way quicker then the episiotomy cut that they gave me with Cash.

Although the laboring at home part has been so painful with both kids, my experience after being admitted has always been pleasant and so special. Laboring and giving birth is such a gift, my birth stories are some of my favorite memories. I am proud of what my body can do and that its created two perfectly healthy little children. I am so blessed to have been through this experience, pain and all and wouldnt change any of it. I hope my story can encourage you in some way.

And for those of you that have asked, we will probably have one more baby in the future. In the moment i always tell my husband NEVER again, but right when that sweet smelling precious innocent newborn is in my arms i always beg for another! You truly do forget the pain immediately. No pain in the world could stop me from wanting a lifetime with these special little people of ours.

^^^The moment she came out they handed her to me to put her on my chest, i was in awe^^^